Posts

Showing posts from May, 2023

Smart Maria

Image
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!"  Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!" Multi-syllable words Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says,  "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says,  "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob." Jokes aside here are today's  must read sex guides Download  All 24 Sex Guides For MEN in PDF & EPUB   Download  All 7 Sex Guides For WOMEN in PDF & EPUB

Sex in the dark

Image
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue.  One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!"  He said, "Explain the kids!" Jokes aside here are today's must read sex guides Download  All 24 Sex Guides For MEN in PDF & EPUB   Download  All 7 Sex Guides For WOMEN in PDF & EPUB

Sex with a teacher

Image
  After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room.  When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for.  On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds,  "No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts." Jokes aside here are today's  must read sex guides Download  All 24 Sex Guides For MEN in PDF & EPUB   Download  All 7 Sex Guides For WOMEN in PDF & EPUB

Differences between the sexes

Image
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying.  A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!” Jokes aside here are today's  must read sex guides Download  All 24 Sex Guides For MEN in PDF & EPUB   Download  All 7 Sex Guides For WOMEN in PDF & EPUB

The interview

Image
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"  Man: "Yes!"  Reporter: "Name?"  Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."  Reporter: "Sex?"  Man: "Three to five times a week."  Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"  Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."  Reporter: "Holy cow!"  Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."  Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"  Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."  Reporter: "Oh dear!"  Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

Breasts

Image
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter.  The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.  “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” Jokes aside here are today's  must read sex guides The  Horny Caterpillar Sex Move to WOW Her in the Bedroom B reast Sex

Sucking

Image
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."  Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."  Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" Jokes aside here are today's  must read sex guides The  Horny Caterpillar Sex Move to WOW Her in the Bedroom B reast Sex: Tips For The Curious Beginner F or Him: Signs You Laid The Pipe RIGHT! WTF??  Your Semen Acts As An Anti-

African Roulette

Image
Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa. The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette." The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option. The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform oral sex on you." The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part. As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal." Jokes aside here are today's  must read sex guides The  Horny Caterpillar Sex Move to WOW Her in the Bedroom B reast Sex: Tips For The Curious Beginner F or Him: Signs You Laid The Pipe RIGHT! WTF??  Your Semen Acts As An Anti-depressant to Your Woman??? Th ese 12 Foreplay Ideas Will Please and Drive He

Newlywed Couple Joining Church

Image
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either." Jokes aside here are today's  must read sex guides The  Horny Caterpillar

A Lot We Could Get Rid Of

Image
One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt. He said to her, "If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle." The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, "If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." The wife grabbed her husband's penis and replied, "and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!" Jokes aside here are today's  must read sex guides The  Horny Caterpillar Sex Move to WOW Her in the Bedroom B reast Sex: Tips For The Curious Beginner F or Him: Signs You Laid The Pipe RIGHT! WTF??  Your Semen Acts As An Anti-depressant to Your Woman??? Th ese 12 Foreplay Ideas Will Please and Drive Her Wild in Bed — LONG READ T he Vortex Pussy Eating Move That Will Have Her Begging You For More… 6  Proven Pussy Fingering Techniques That Will Drive Her Wild!

Marriage Rules

Image
 A Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

Checking The Babershop Line

Image
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and sa

Transaction

Image
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…” Jokes aside here are today's  must read sex guides The  Horny Caterpillar Sex Move to WOW Her in the Bedroom B reast Sex: Tips For The Curious Beginner F or Him: Signs You Laid The Pipe RIGHT! WTF??  Your Semen Acts As An Anti-depressant to Your Woman??? Th ese 12 Foreplay Ideas Will Please and Drive Her Wild in Bed — LONG READ T he Vortex Pussy Eating Move That Will Have Her Begging You For More… 6  Proven Pussy Fingering Techniques That Will Drive Her Wild! H ow To S

Voodoo Dick

Image
A businessman was about to go on a long business trip, and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone. So to prevent this, he visited the local sex shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence. After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the store clerk for help. The store clerk recommended the "Voodoo Dick." "How does it work?" asked the businessman. The clerk unwrapped the Voodoo Dick from its ceremonial box and said to it, " Voodoo Dick that door." The vibrator flew out of the box and attacked the door with such vigor that the door split in half. "Fantastic," said the man. "I'll take it!" He instructed his wife on how to use the Voodoo Dick and left on his business trip. Soon, his wife decided to try it out and said the magic words: " Voodoo Dick my pussy." The Voodoo Dick flew out of the box and gave her orgasm after o