More Jokes!!!

1. Foreplay Done Right; Getting Her Horny & Bothered RAW here

He read a book on how to improve my foreplay. It wasn't too bad once he skipped past the boring part at the beginning.

His girlfriend asked him about his foreplay technique. She asked why He always start with her nipple. He told her he likes to get straight to the point.

The similarity between foreshadowing and foreplay is that either way you know something is coming.

He knows he is doing something wrong when it comes to foreplay. But he can't quite put his finger on it

His girlfriend won't let him spank her butt during foreplay, so he glued her butt cheeks together...Well, if you can't beat them, join them.

Fellas, always remember the importance of foreplay......when done correctly, a boob in hand gets two balls in the bush!

School is the foreplay of life. You can't rush it.

He always thought the difference between a chestnut and a walnut depends on the amount of foreplay.

Why do women fake orgasms? Because men fake foreplay.

Go down a water slide when it isn't wet. And then you'll understand the importance of foreplay.

*******************************

Ultimate Sexual Stamina Program

Girls who have had sex with this guy say his lovemaking is like an earthquake. its over in about a minute and leaves you wondering what the hell just happened
I called the premature ejaculation support group to find out what the dress code was. Apparently, most members just come in their pants.
Premature ejaculator: Seeks young attractive woman for a fling, Must have large tits, big lips and a tight arse, and....aaaaaw, fuck sake, never mind!!!!!!
So there's this guy with a premature ejaculation problem. And he just comes out of nowhere
Why wasn’t the premature ejaculator in the office? He got off early
A premature ejaulator went to a dinner party. He didn't know what to wear, so he just came in his pants
Doctors that specialize in premature ejaculation are in high demand. So you need to come early.
Confucius say: Man with severe premature ejaculation may cum in handy
What do premature ejaculators and hide and seek have in common? Ready or not, here I come
India has a god for almost everything- except premature ejaculation. But it’s coming soon.
I was asked to speak at a club for helping people with premature ejaculation. I asked what I should wear to the speech: They told me I could just come in my pants
I just read an article about premature ejaculation during masturbation. It might come in handy.
I told a joke about premature ejaculation, but nobody laughed. ...What, too soon?
They had to change the meeting time for the premature ejaculators' support group. Everyone kept coming too early.
What does a premature ejaculator and a blind man have in common? They never see it coming
I opened a club for premature ejaculators. It didn't last long.
A sex therapist arrives at his premature ejaculation clinic and finds a single patient waiting for him. What does the therapist say? "You're early"
It's hard to keep a girlfriend when you suffer from premature ejaculation. Easy cum, easy ghost.
One time I took a client who suffered from premature ejaculation to a brothel to work on his stamina. He blew it.
I went to a conference on premature ejaculation the other week... Got there 5 minutes early but the conference had already finished.
It makes sense why women hate premature ejaculation so much. Our whole lives we're taught that nothing worth having comes easy.
The doctor asked him how bad his premature ejaculation condition was...He said, "I'm going to be honest doc, it's touch and go."
Have you heard of the guy who prematurely ejaculates? It's his only shortcoming
I missed the holiday for premature ejaculators this year. I think it came early.
He ordered a book online about premature ejaculation. It came in his email.
I'm done, this is my last ever cum joke. Premature or not, I've created millions of these and none of them stick.
I was nervous no one would come to the Premature Ejaculation Anonymous meeting...Luckily, everyone came earlier than expected!
His new girlfriend just found out he suffers from premature ejaculation. She took it on the chin though.
He told the job interviewer he had premature ejaculation. Apparently that's not what he meant by 'shortcomings'
My premature ejaculation sufferers support meetings are going so well. They decided to stop coming.
He was listening to the radio the other day and an ad came on: “Do you suffer from premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction?” And he thought to himself, “No but my girlfriend probably does.”
Medical science still does not have a cure for premature ejaculation. But researchers say it's coming quickly.
What do you call a military man's premature ejaculation? A dishonorable discharge.
I’m hosting a premature ejaculation charity event tonight. It starts at 7:30 but feel free to come early.
Why is a small cruise ship like a guy suffering from premature ejaculation? Both of them only need a couple of tugs.
***************************************

Female Orgasm 101

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask directions.
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
Guys! Give your ladies an Australian kiss. It's the same as a French kiss, but down under.
Are you a Nice girl or Good girl?: NICE girls blush when they watch porn, GOOD girls smile cause they know they can do better.
Damn, look at that! Ahh why is it that IT guys here can't keep girlfriends though? They turn them all off and on again.
So I am going to just cum out and say it, my boyfriend caught me masturbating with a carrot. His first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
Ahh memories! This just came to mind right now. Way back when I was inexperienced performing oral sex for the first time. I asked, "Am I doing it right?" To which he replied, "Not if you're talking."
Looks delicious just like a grapefruit! How is a pussy like a grapefruit though? The best ones squirt when you eat them
This reminds me of what Adam could have said to Eve the first time they had sex: Stand back, I'm not sure how much bigger it'll get!
That pussy though entails a quick announcement: brought to you by Charles Darwin: Women might have evolved to stay with partners who eat pussy
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.
What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum!
Instead of "Who's your mommy" I accidentally said, "How's your mommy" and we put our clothes back on and started discussing his mom's breast cancer.
Why do women prefer old gynecologists? Their shaky hands!
Condoms? Hah! Those are for pussies!
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
A woman just asked me if I like thighs or breasts. Told her I like a nicely curved dick . Apparently, this isn't an appropriate answer at KFC.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
Why won't most women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.
Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself.. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.
Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...
What’s a Mormon’s favorite coitus position? You’d probably think it’s missionary, but I’m pretty sure they’d try the back door if they had the chance.
What is a revolution in the world of love-making? Going from missionary to doggy in the same session.
Why do Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish women won’t touch anything unless it’s 20% off.
What does Pinocchio's lover say to him? "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
What did Qatar get after spending billions of dollars to stop LGBTQ+ actions in FIFA 2022? Half naked Argentinian Men Hugging and kissing each other in the end.

One day a man wakes up and finds out he has 3 balls

He decides to go see a doctor but was a little embarrassed to address his problem so he says...

MAN: Hey Doc, between you and me we have 5 balls.

The doctor, extremely baffled by this jumps off his chair and says...

DOC: WHATTTT ?!!?!! You have no balls?

A couple was watching an African tribe documentary. They discovered that when a male member of this tribe reaches a certain age, he receives a string with a weight attached to it that was tied around his penis. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 20 inches in length.

Later that evening, as the man popped up from the shower, his wife suggested, “Let’s try the African string and weight technique, honey.” The husband agreed, and they attached a weighted string to his penis. “How is our little experiment coming along?” the wife inquired a few days later. “Well, it looks like we’re about halfway there,” the husband replied.

The impressed wife said, “You mean it’s already grown to 10 inches?”

“No”, the husband replied. “It’s turning black.”

Did you hear about the guy with the invisible penis?

He came out of nowhere.

What’s the difference between olive oil and virgin olive oil?

Popeye’s dick.

Three men are debating which of their wives is the most stupid.

The first says, “My wife spent $10,000 on a kitchen and she can’t even cook!”

The second says, “Yeah, mine paid $20,000 for a car – and she can’t drive!”

The third says, “That’s it? Mine bought 128 condoms for a business trip despite the fact that she doesn’t even have a penis!”

A husband went to his doctor’s office the other day and discovered that his new doctor is a young female who is absolutely stunning.

“Don’t worry, I’m a professional,” she said, despite his embarrassment. “I have seen them all. Just let me know what’s wrong and I’ll look into it.”

The husband said, “My wife thinks that my dick tastes funny.”

A couple who have been married for a few years decide to seek the advice of a marriage counsellor in order to resolve their issues. “Tell me something you two have in common,” the marriage counsellor begins by asking the couple.

“Well, neither of us sucks dick,” the husband quickly responds.

Three guys learn that they only have three weeks to live. They realise they have nothing to show for their lives and decide to attempt to enter the Guinness Book of World Records. “I have pretty long arms, maybe the longest arms in the world!” says the first guy. “I have a big chest, maybe the biggest chest in the world!” says the second guy. “I have a small dick, maybe the smallest dick in the world!” says the third guy. So they each submit their applications to the headquarters of the Guinness Book of World Records.

A week later, the book is released, and everyone gathers to see the results. The first man opens the book and declares, “Take a look! I have the world’s longest arms!” The second man looks around and says “Wow! I can’t believe I have the world’s largest chest!”

And the third guy looks and says, “…Who the fuck is [insert name of anyone with whom sharing the joke]?!”

What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?

100 people who don’t do dick.

A young girl and her mother are riding down the highway.

When a dildo falls off the truck in front of them and smashes into the windshield.

“Mommy, what was that?”, the little girl inquires.

Because she does not want her child to be revealed to sex, the mother responds, “It was just a bug, honey.”

The little girl sits quietly, before exclaiming, “It sure had a big dick.”

What did the uncircumcised penis say to the insurance salesman?

“I’m already covered.”

What’s the difference between a dick and an asshole?

Nothing – little shits come out of both.

A college professor became aware that one of his students, Elijah, was attracting a lot of female attention.

So one day he approaches Elijah and inquires about his secret. “Well, before making love, I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table like a hammer; it numbs it up and makes me last longer,” Elijah responds.

Later that day, the professor returns home to find his wife in the shower, providing a welcome opportunity for making love. So he quickly undresses and bangs his dick against the dresser, just as his wife calls from the shower:

“Elijah, is that you?”

What did the penis say to the condom?

Cover me, I’m going in.

What do you call a sad erect penis?

Mourning wood.

Recommended: Blowjob Jokes

A hunter kills a deer while out hunting.

He brings it home to his family and cooks it without telling his children what it is. “I’ll give you a hint, it’s what your mother calls me,” he said.

“It’s a fucking dick, don’t eat it!” exclaims the youngest son.

What kind of penis does Frankenstein have?

A hallow weenie.

Why don’t you poop out of your penis?

Because then it would be called a poonis.

Dave began a new job. “Hello, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky,” his boss said. “My name is Dave, but people call me Dick,” Dave replied.

She said, “How do you get Dick from Dave?”

Dave replied, “You just ask nicely.”

What does the Frenchman with a small penis say at dinner?

Boner petit.

What do you call a lie about penis size?

A phallusy.

A man walks into a bar. He notices a jar filled with twenty-dollar bills. He inquires of the bartender as to its purpose.

“Behind the bar, I have a horse in the stable. You put down $20 and try to make my horse laugh. If you make him laugh, you get the entire jar; if you don’t, you lose $20.”

So the guy puts in twenty dollars, walks to the stable, and a minute later the horse is laughing uncontrollably. Guy returns to the bar and, without saying anything to the stunned bartender, takes the jar of twenties and walks away.

A year later, the same guy returns to the bar and notices another jar full of twenty-dollar bills. He inquires of the bartender as to its purpose this time.

“My damn horse hasn’t stopped laughing since you came in here last year. You put in $20, and if you can get him to stop laughing, the jar is yours.”

The man puts in another twenty dollars and proceeds to the stable. A minute later, there was complete silence. The horse made no sound. Guy returns and picks up the jar. As he prepares to leave, the bartender says, “Hold on a second. You have to tell me how you made my horse laugh and stop laughing when no one else could.”

The guy says, “The first time I told your horse that my dick is bigger than his. The second time I proved it.”

What do you call a half-erect penis wearing a tuxedo?

A semi formal.

What is similar in the words Election and Erection?

Both are almost spelt the same and mean a dick rising to power.

Recommended: Election Jokes

Three friends bet $100 on who could make their wife scream the loudest from making love.

The first one said the next day, “I made love to my wife for two hours and she screamed for at least an hour and a half!” The second one said that he licked his wife for two hours and she screamed the entire time plus a half hour after that. The third person says, “That is nothing. I made love to my wife for ten minutes, came a few times then wiped my dick in the curtain, and she’s still screaming!”

Did you hear about a random message from a lad asking to meet in the woods to compare penis sizes?

Weirdo didn’t even show up.

What do you call a clown’s penis?

His funny bone.

A man is on his honeymoon and has decided to get a tattoo to show his love for his wife. He visits a tattoo parlour and requests that her name be tattooed on his penis. “What is her name?” inquires the artist. He exclaims, “Wendy!” “Okay. You’ll have to work hard and stay hard for me to fit that on your lit… I mean fit that all in.” The man does what he is asked. He then returns home to show his fiancée. When he takes it out, it’s soft and only says “Wy.” He explains what is going on, and she is impressed.

So they get married and go on their honeymoon to Jamaica. On vacation, the man finds himself in a urinal next to a local. He looks down and notices the word “Wy” tattooed on the local’s dick. “Does your wife have the same Wendy too?”

“No mon.. It says Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.”

What’s the best treatment for chlamydia?

Penis-cilin.

What’s the most irritable penis you can name?

The grum-penis.

“Did Santa get you that?” a cop on a horse asks a little girl on a bike.

“Yes,” the little girl says.

“Well, tell him next year to put a reflector light on it!” says the cop and fines her $5.

“Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?” the little girl says, looking up at the cop.

“He sure did!” says the cop, laughing.

“Well,” says the little girl, “Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!”

What do you call a girl with a penis?

Amanda.

What do you call a floating penis?

How is wearing crocs like getting your dick sucked by a man?

Feels great and then you look down and realize you’re gay.

Couples Plus+: Download all My Books in PDF & EPUB; www.tichaz.com

I mean, I’d never say the words, “this is the big deal” but… (;) www.tichaz.com

This is masturbation is like for guys: picture a man who is naked chasing a HORRIFIED sheep!

Wisdom of the day when you want to get laid – acting like a DICK won’t make your own DICK any BIGGER!

Free Adult Sex Comics PDFs Downloads here: www.tichaz.com

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel and when all the sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis.

The nun says father what is that? He says this sister is the wand of life. The nun says good, now go stick it in that camels ass and let’s get the hell outa here!

Jokes aside here are today's must read sex guides

Perfecting Manual & Oral Sex on Her: Download All 8 Guides in PDF & EPUB

MEN! Download the whole sex guide collection in PDF & EPUB here

WOMEN! Download the whole sex guide collection in PDF & EPUB here

COUPLES! Download the whole sex guide collection in PDF & EPUB here

51 Adult Comics; Download All in PDFs

********************

I think I enjoy the rodeo position the most

Its where you get your girl down on all fours and mount her from behind then you reach around cup her tits and whisper in her ear.

"Boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters."

then you try and hold onto 30 seconds.

Jokes aside here are today's must read sex guides

Perfecting Manual & Oral Sex on Her: Download All 8 Guides in PDF & EPUB

MEN! Download the whole sex guide collection in PDF & EPUB here

WOMEN! Download the whole sex guide collection in PDF & EPUB here

COUPLES! Download the whole sex guide collection in PDF & EPUB here

51 Adult Comics; Download All in PDFs

********************

There were two statues in a park, one of a naked man, and one of a naked woman. They had been facing each other for a hundred years across a pathway, when one day an angel comes down, and with a single gesture brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?" He asks her "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, lets! But lets change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head."

Jokes aside here are today's must read sex guides

Perfecting Manual & Oral Sex on Her: Download All 8 Guides in PDF & EPUB

MEN! Download the whole sex guide collection in PDF & EPUB here

WOMEN! Download the whole sex guide collection in PDF & EPUB here

COUPLES! Download the whole sex guide collection in PDF & EPUB here

51 Adult Comics; Download All in PDFs

********************

First Impressions

A young teenage couple have been dating for a little while, so the girl says to the boy that she wants him to meet her parents. He is a little skeptical at this, but she tells him that if he can make a good impression with them that she will reward him with sex.

Extremely excited at the prospect of losing his virginity, the boy rushes to the local pharmacy to get some protection. However, he is a little embarrassed and unsure of himself. The pharmacist at the counter notices this and walks over to see if he can help. "First time?" the pharmacist guesses. The boy nods sheepishly. So the pharmacist gives him the basics on picking condoms. The boy thanks him, buys some, and leaves.

Finally, the big night arrives and the boy arrives at the girl's house. As the couple and the girl's parents sit down for dinner, they all bow their heads to say grace over the meal. Afterwards, they all look up to start eating, except for the boy, who still has his head bowed in prayer. Respectfully, the girl and her parents sit quietly as he continues praying to himself. After about 5 minutes pass, the girl leans over and whispers to him, "I never knew you were so religious!" He looks up at her and whispers back, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!"

Jokes aside here are today's must read sex guides